WOULD YOU STOMP ON A MOUSE?

In my last blog I threatened to tackle the topic of "gestampte muisjes", which I will attempt to to today. Literally translated, this means "stomped-on mice", which would send the ASPCA into a fit, but no rodents have been hurt in producing this food item. It is part of many curious toppings that the Dutch put on bread, a staple of Dutch breakfast and lunch. 

A slice of bread with a topping is called a "boterham" which confusingly enough translates to "butterham". Works like this: a slice of bread is covered with a layer of butter or margarine. This is mainly so that the topping will stick to the bread. In the Netherlands we have many toppings that are small and grainy which would fall on your plate, your lap, or just the table. Also if sneezing during breakfast occurs, you will cover everything in pellets of sweetness. Butter. You gotta.

A few examples are: "hagelslag" which you 'Muricans know as chocolate sprinkles. We have them available in Milk Chocolate; Dark Chocolate; White chocolate, Orange chocolate (a mix of dark brown and orange-flavored pellets), vruchtenhagel, and probably some I don't know about.

And then there's muisjes, which means "little mice". Muisjes are a concoction made from anise. The most common form is available in pink or blue, since this is the Dutch equivalent of announcing you've had a baby - and we don't hand out cigars. These things are always served on beschuit, a round and brittle sort-of crouton with a diameter of about 12 cm (like 3 1/2"). Here also, we glue them down with butter. Muisjes, you must know, are about as hard as ball bearings. Imagine what happens if you try to take a bite out of that with a brittle beschuit underneath. The whole thing disintegrates into a mix of things that will break your fillings, and a buch of crumbs an butter - which will stick between your teeth for hours. Oh joy!

Did I mention muisjes were hard? And rough on your teeth? Well, some bright person probably thought: "I really like the flavor, but  not the dental bill. I shall get a claw hammer and crush these things into something that looks like an illegal substance. And then glue them to brea with butter epoxy. The result is that now you have a mouthful of sticky, liquorice-flavored muck that fills every nook and cranny in your gums. It also - in unconsumed form - looks pretty suspect. 

Don't show your boterham with gestampte muisjes to a law enforcement officer. And no, don't try to snort it.

This your brain. This is your brain on gestampte muisjes.